Until then…

At first, it was easy. All I have to do is think of all his rudeness, lack of effort and my beseech. It’s easy to check my list of his wrong doings. It’s easy to remember all the hurt and heartaches I’ve been through. And I got a bunch of reasons to break up with him.

Thus, I have decided to get his attention for the last moment. This is my chance of proving to him that I will leave him. I posted it on the site of the perfect and self-righteous world of facebook. Then, it has been trending. I feel satisfaction. Atlast, I am free from toxicity.

Without any hesitations I went to different places and focused on me being fine. I avoided all the possible things that might bring him as a topic. Days have passed I know I did the right thing. I believed I was the victim.

But then a sudden pain was felt by my heart. It pierced my soul. His memory was again run through my mind. I was chopping onions and I remembered how he taught me the proper handling of onions. I was cooking chicken and remembered how he loved chicken wings. I remembered how excited and happy I was cooking and preparing a simple meal for him.

A new movie was released for 2017 and I remembered how I tagged him in all yhe movies and wished we can watch it together. I discovered a good band with great guitar skills and remembered how he played his. I saw a picture of a man kissing his girl’s forehead and I remembered how his lips touched mine. 

Weeks had passed all I can see is myself feeling lonely and alone. All I can wish is hug him tight and tell him I’m sorry for giving up on us.

I can remember all the good and wonderful memories we had. How happy I was to sit beside him, eat snacks and watch series. I can remember all the good talks we had, the silence we had, the satisfaction I had with him. I was happy with him.

We fight and had all kinds of conflict but I know how much I can forgive and can do everything to fix what is broken. And even though I want to fix what I have done, I have hurt him badly. And instead of being happy I have just hurt myself for letting my happiness be gone.

I wish I can turn back the time and let him feel that I don’t want to lose him.

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